The Contrarian Mindset: Jettison the Fear of Judgement

Have you ever held back in a meeting, hesitated to share an idea, or watered down your voice just to avoid criticism? You’re not alone. The fear of being judged isn’t just uncomfortable—it quietly shapes our choices, silences innovation, and drains confidence from even the most experienced professionals.

In this week’s Bite Size Fridays episode of It’s an Inside Job, I unpack how to shift your mindset and show up with courage and clarity, even when judgment is in the room. Through David’s story—a seasoned marketing leader paralyzed by disapproval during a critical presentation—we explore how to reclaim your voice and separate your worth from others’ reactions.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How to stop letting others’ opinions dictate your self-worth
• The difference between emotional reality and observable reality
• Why fear of judgment often hides behind perfectionism and people-pleasing
• How to practice small, courageous acts that build long-term confidence
• What it means to be clear instead of perfect when you lead, create, or speak up

This episode is essential for anyone who has ever played small to avoid scrutiny—and is ready to start showing up fully.

Contrarian Strategies from This Episode

• Distinguish emotional reality from observable facts
  What feels like rejection is often just interpretation. Ask: What do I actually know, and what am I assuming?
• Anchor self-worth internally
  Your value doesn’t depend on nods, praise, or applause. Make a list of 3 traits that are true about you—even in silence.
• Challenge unrealistic standards
  Not everyone will understand or applaud your vision on day one. Resistance might not be a red flag—it could be a sign you’re leading.
• Practice small acts of courage
  Confidence is a result. Courage is a decision. Speak honestly, share unpolished ideas, and hold your ground—even when it’s hard.
• Prioritize progress over perfection
  Trade the pressure to perform for the permission to grow. Ask: What did I learn? Where did I stay aligned with my values?

Perfect for You If You’re Asking:

• Why does criticism shake me more than it should?
• How do I stop shrinking in rooms where I feel scrutinized?
• How can I lead with confidence when I know not everyone will agree?
• What would it look like to speak with more truth and less fear?

Additional Resources

This is Part 11 in a 15-part Contrarian Mindset series—designed to help you challenge limiting beliefs and show up with clarity and courage in uncertain moments.

1. Facing the Fear of Vulnerability
2. Breaking Free from Perfectionism
3. Moving Through Imposter Syndrome
4. Overcoming the Fear of Not Being Good Enough
5. Replacing Reactivity with Response
6. Embracing Change Instead of Resisting It
7. The Fear of Deviating from the Known Path
8. Finding Peace with the Path You’ve Chosen (FOMO)
9. Redefining Relevance by Slowing Down
10. Building Rejection Resilience

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:42 Practical Tips for Everyday Challenges

Transcript

0:00

Music. Well, welcome to Bite Size Fridays on It's an Inside Job, your weekly dose of resilience and perspective to carry you into the weekend. In our last series, we focused on the 12 core skills of the contrarian mindsets, tools to build real, lasting resilience. But mindset isn't just about what we grow, it's also about what we face. This series dives into the fears and mental habits that quietly hold us back, like perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or the fear of conflict and failure. Most advice teaches you how to sidestep these fears. Well, this series, it helps you meet them head on, one mindset at a time, one breakthrough at a time. Music. This week, we are going to apply the contrarian mindset with the fear of being judged. You know, have you ever hesitated to speak up in a meeting? Held back an idea you were excited about, just in case someone thought it was too bold, too different, too risky? Now, if you've ever done that, you're not alone. In this episode, we're talking about the fear of being judged and how it shows up, why it holds us back, and what we can do to overcome it without losing our authenticity. We're going to be exploring this fear through the story of David. Now, he is a seasoned marketing executive with a strong track record who still found himself paralyzed by judgment in a pivotal moment. His story is more than just a tough presentation. It's a mirror for many of us who are secretly playing small to avoid the sting of disapproval. But David didn't stay stuck. With a contrarian mindset, he transformed how he showed up as a leader and as a person. So let's explore David's story. He definitely wasn't a rookie. He'd led campaigns, he'd built brands, and consistently delivered results. But that didn't shield him from the anxiety that surfaced when he stepped outside of the familiar. He was preparing for a major presentation, one that could change the company's entire marketing direction. The strategy he developed was innovative and forward-thinking. It broke from tradition and challenged the conservative playbook his leadership team had come to expect. At first, he was energized. But as the day approached, something shifted. Excitement gave way to second guessing. He started imagining how his ideas would land, or in this case, crash. And he thought, what if they don't get it? What if they think I've lost my edge? What if I look foolish in front of the entire executive team? And so the fear crept in. Not just fear of failure, but the fear of judgment. The kind that makes you feel exposed, like who you are is on the line. When David walked into the boardroom that morning, the tension was already tight in his chest. Still, he began confidently. His opening was strong, but then came the turning point. As he introduced the more unconventional parts of his strategy, he noticed subtle clues, raised eyebrows, a tight jaw, someone leaning back with folded arms. Those small signs? Well, they lit up his fear like wildfire. Suddenly, David wasn't presenting anymore. He was defending. His voice wavered. He skipped over key details. He rushed to the vision that had once made him feel so alive. Afterward, all he could think was, they didn't buy it. Maybe they didn't buy me. In a coaching session I had with him later that week, he admitted, I felt like an imposter, like I overstepped. Maybe I'm just not that guy anymore. But this wasn't just about one meeting it was about a deeper pattern the fear of being judged had been quietly shaping his behavior for years that boardroom just made it visible and that's where the real work began so now i want to shift to the contrarian mindset and talk about the skills david employed in order to get over the fear of being judged strategy one focus on reality not emotional reality. Let's start here because it is often where the fear of judgment first takes hold, in our interpretation of other people's behavior. Now, when David gave his presentation, he noticed a raised eyebrow, a long pause, a couple of executives looking at each other across the table. On the surface, these weren't just moments, expressions, body language, silence but David didn't just see those events he interpreted them that raised eyebrow clearly disapproval that silence clearly boredom that long pause clearly rejection. But none of these things were facts. They were stories. Stories filtered through fear. That's what emotional reality does. It spins a narrative that feels true in the moment, but often isn't. This is where the contrarian mindset steps in. It teaches us to pause and separate what we know from what we're assuming. I asked David two simple but powerful questions. What do you actually know for sure? and what might you be assuming based on how you feel. When we took a step back, here's what he realized. No one had openly criticized his idea. Several people had actually nodded during parts of the presentation. The people he was most worried about were simply quiet. And in this company, well, that was typical during presentations. The silence wasn't rejection. It was processing. When David learned to distinguish emotional noise from observable facts, he gained a critical skill, stability, under scrutiny. Instead of reacting to every twitch or expression, he could stay grounded, he could stay calm and clear-headed in the moment. So the next time you feel judged in a meeting or a social setting, ask yourself, what's the story I'm telling myself? And is there another, more generous or neutral story that could be just as true? That shift alone can change your entire experience. Strategy 2. Practicing self-worth One of David's biggest internal hurdles was this. His sense of value was completely tied to how others responded to him. If they nodded, he felt brilliant. If they questioned him, he felt incompetent. If they didn't react at all, well, he disappeared into self-doubt. Now, this pattern is more common than we think. We unconsciously hand our self-worth over to other people, bosses, clients, peers, and let their reactions decide how we feel about ourselves. But that's a trap, because the truth is, you can't lead, create, or contribute freely if your self-worth is up for debate every time someone raises an eyebrow. So we worked on decoupling his identity from outcomes. This pivotal question we returned to again and again was, well, what's true about you even if no one claps? That question helped Dave come back to the core. He's thoughtful. He's innovative. He cares about doing meaningful work. He takes risk for the sake of growth. Those traits didn't disappear in a tough meeting. They didn't evaporate because of someone else's skepticism. They were his no matter what. And for yourself, you can make a short list, three things that are true about you regardless of feedback, success, or recognition. Then when judgment creeps in, read that list back to yourself. Reclaim your ground. Strategy 3. Challenging unrealistic standards. David didn't just want to do well. He expected to hit a home run every single time. In his mind, anything less than full endorsement and enthusiastic applause was failure. That kind of standard might sound ambitious, but it's actually self-sabotage. Because innovation, real gutsy innovation, rarely gets unanimous applause on day one. And leadership isn't about being liked. It's about creating clarity, challenging comfort, and inviting growth. Once David understood that resistance doesn't mean he's failing, it often means he's leading. He felt the pressure lift. He started giving himself permission to introduce new ideas, even if they weren't immediately embraced. He began to see pushback as part of the process, not a personal attack. He started asking himself time and time again, have I been confusing immediate approval with long-term impact? And he reminded himself some of the most transformative ideas are met with confusion or even resistance before they gain traction. So I think it's a clue for all of us not to take early friction as a red flag. It might be a signal you're on to something meaningful. Strategy 4. Practicing courage. Here's the truth we don't say often enough. Courage doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you choose to act anyway. David kept waiting for confidence before taking risks. But what he needed was the willingness to act in the absence of certainty. so we reframed it. Confidence is a result. Courage is a decision. David began practicing courage in small but powerful ways. He shared unpolished ideas in meetings without over explaining. He made room for silence without rushing to fill it in. He stopped editing himself to fit what he thought others wanted to hear. And over time, guess what happened? Confidence caught up. Because courage builds trust, not just with others, but with yourself. Strategy 5. Focusing on progress, not perfection. David treated every presentation like a final verdict. If it wasn't flawless, it was a failure. Well, that mindset didn't just create anxiety, it blocked his creativity and his growth. Perfectionism can sound noble. It wears the mask of excellence, but underneath, well, it's simply fear. So we shifted the goal from being right to getting better. Instead of asking, was that perfect? He started asking, what did I learn? What would I try differently next time? Did I stay aligned with what I believe? Now that reframe allowed him to breathe. It gave him permission to iterate. And most importantly, it helped him to reconnect to his love for the work itself. He started to see his career not as a series of performances, but as a process of refinement. David Sojun started with a familiar pattern, something most of us wrestle with at some point. He had the skills, he had the idea, he had the track record. But the moment judgment entered the room, real or imagined, his clarity, his confidence, his voice began to fade. And isn't that what fear of judgment does? It convinces us that who we are, what we have to say, and how we show up must first pass through someone else's approval before it's valid. But here's what David discovered, and what I hope stays with you. You don't need to be understood by everyone to be aligned with yourself. You don't need a round of applause to know your ideas matter. You don't need to be bulletproof to be brave. Judgment, especially the fear of it, well, it thrives in the shadows. It grows stronger the more we cater to it, avoid it, or try to outrun it. But when we bring it into the light, when we get curious about it, challenge it, and speak through it, well, it starts to lose its grip. So what does that look like in your life? Let me offer you some prompts, questions you can take with you after this episode. Maybe reflect on them in your journal or simply let them simmer the next time you feel yourself shrinking under someone else's gaze. Number one, whose judgment am I fearing and why does their opinion carry so much weight? Is it earned influence or is it a habit I've never questioned? Two, what part of me am I holding back in order to seem acceptable? What would happen if I let the part speak? Question three, what does success look like if I define it without asking for anyone's permission, without filters, without performing, just truth? And last question, where can I practice one small act of courage today, especially in the face of being misunderstood or disagreed with? It doesn't need to be dramatic. Often it's just saying the thing you really mean. None of us are immune to the fear of judgment. It's wired into us, but that fear doesn't have to dictate our decisions. What matters more is how we respond to it. Do we let it shape us into someone we're not? Or do we use it as a checkpoint? A moment to come back to, to our truth and lead from there. David learned that the key wasn't in being fearless. It was in being clear. Clear about his values. Clear about his voice. clear about what kind of leader and creator he wanted to be. That clarity didn't eliminate judgment, of course not, but it made him resilient enough to move forward anyway. None of us owe the world perfection, but you do owe yourself your own truth. If you're curious to know how to build a contrarian mindset for greater resilience, fortitude, tenacity, psychological strength, and a sense of well-being, or you'll find links to the other episodes in the series in the show notes. So make sure you hit that subscribe button, and I'll be back next week with my long-form conversational episodes on Monday and the latest Bite Sites episode on Friday. And have yourself a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend. Music.